Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Restaurant Server

When you go out to eat, you expect to have a good experience. But that wouldn’t be the case if you experienced anything from this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Restaurant Server.

  • Just me or does “jalapeno popper” sound like a sex thing?
  • So glad you could join us tonight. I guess you don’t read Yelp reviews?
  • No, you heard me right. The chef’s special is spaghetti and METH-balls.
  • Funny. Your soup wasn’t cold when I dipped my nads in it.
  • We only have one vegan option: If you say you’re vegan, we have the option to ask you to get the hell out of our restaurant.
  • Sorry for the delay. Chef had the dry heaves.
  • Yes I know there’s a fly in your soup. That’s the garnish.
  • Wait, you two are on a date? Did she lose a bet?
  • Sorry, we no longer offer unlimited breadsticks. However, I’m happy to offer you an unlimited amount of hugs.
  • Sure you can afford the Dom PĂ©rignon? She looks like she charges a lot.
  • Would you mind putting a little something in the tip jar? We’re gonna need every cent to bribe the health inspector.
  • I’m Anthony Scaramucci and I’ll be your server tonight.
  • Can I get your opinion on this monologue I’m using for my audition?
  • What’s my recommendation? That you research a good gastroenterologist.