The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Retiring.
- At which retirement home in my area are they making the most whoopee?
- How excited am I to finally eat dinner at a reasonable hour, like 4:00 P.M.?
- Should I “downsize?” Don’t mean getting a smaller house, I mean getting a smaller wife.
- How much Steve Harvey can I take in one day?
- Am I fully versed on the rules of pinochle?
- How much longer should I wait to cash in my Beanie Babies?
- If I follow through with this, where will I steal copy paper?
- Will I finally have the time to get those projects at home finished? Starting with the sex swing.
- Which one of my kids do I want to torture by moving to their town?
- Does Ensure mix better with vodka or bourbon?
- After a week of threatening neighborhood kids from my front porch with a flame-thrower, will I get bored?
- Will doing activities as an old person really be as exciting as they look on pharmaceutical ads?
- What stores sell pants that go halfway up to your chest?
- Don’t I need a job first?
