Surprising Facts About The Solar Eclipse

With the highly publicized solar eclipse starting this afternoon, it’s a good time to check out The Top Surprising Facts About the Solar Eclipse.

  • The centerline crosses through 10 states, which is more than Hillary Clinton campaigned in.
  • It only happens every few decades . . . like job opportunities for Erik Estrada.
  • As their surroundings slowly dim, Bill Cosby’s dates will experience déjà vu.
  • Yes, you look stupid in those eclipse glasses.
  • It will begin in Oregon, and by the time it leaves it will have formed an indie rock band.
  • White supremacists will protest the sun this afternoon for being black.
  • Though it will be brief, you’ll remember for a lifetime. Kidding. You’ll forget it by this afternoon’s third beer.
  • People who stare at it could be left with permanent eye damage. But it’s not all bad news as they could then get hired as an NFL referee.
  • Singing Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” while it’s happening will make you the most hated person at the eclipse viewing party.
  • If you needed to be told it’s dangerous to look directly at the sun, you should probably keep that to yourself.
  • It’s best viewed live, but don’t sweat it if you can’t. It’ll be on Netflix eventually.