Reasons You Won’t Be Watching The Perseid Meteor Shower This Weekend

This weekend will be the peak viewing for the Perseid Meteor Shower, expected to be the biggest in many years. Find out why you couldn’t care less with The Top Reasons You Won’t be Watching the Perseid Meteor Shower this Weekend.

  • The same reason you blew off Comic-Con and don’t dress as Boba Fett for Halloween: You’ve had sex.
  • You’re generally not into things that give Neil deGrasse Tyson an erection.
  • You live in Guam, so right now, you really don’t want to see any bright fiery objects streaking across the sky.
  • Your neighbor broke your telescope after he caught you using it to watch his wife shave her armpits.
  • You haven’t seen the previous Perseid Meteor Showers, so you’re going to binge watch the others until you’re caught up.
  • Instead of WATCHING fireballs, you prefer spending your nights getting wasted on Fireball.
  • You’re sick and tired of everyone telling you what to do: “Watch the meteors!” “Watch the eclipse!” “Keep your pants on during church!”
  • You sell bomb shelters, so you’re getting a LOT of overtime this weekend.
  • ‘Cuz everyone else is doin’ it . . . and you’re gangsta.
  • You can’t look up without getting dizzy. Thanks, bourbon!
  • And miss a rerun of “Life of Kylie”? NO, thanks!
  • You’re vegan and it sounds too much like a “meat eater” shower.
  • You’re Johnny Depp. And showers ain’t your thing.
  • Unlike a total eclipse, there are no cool ’80s songs about a meteor shower.
  • You’re Stevie Wonder.