Things Sharks Might Say If They Could Talk

As Shark Week comes to an end, it’s the perfect time to share this list of The Top Things Sharks Might Say if They Could Talk.

  • If humans want us to stop attacking them, they should stop looking so much like sea lions.
  • It would be easier to eat if that stupid music didn’t play every time I tried to sneak up on something.
  • Another lost tooth? Damn Meth!
  • Your cousin is an extra in ONE “Sharknado” movie and it’s all the family talks about.
  • Should I wear a weed dealer’s tooth around my neck?
  • You think I’M the eating machine of the animal kingdom? Have you seen Russell Crowe lately?
  • We’ve closed more beaches than Chris Christie!
  • When nobody’s around, Aquaman touches me.
  • Down here on our Discovery Channel, it’s “Human Week.”
  • Whoa, that surfer tasted gnarly.
  • Really . . . a hockey team in San Jose? THAT’S all I get?!?
  • People must think sharks are pretty awesome, since we get an entire week. Suck on that, groundhogs!
  • I really wish Rob Kardashian would take up surfing.
  • You know, at karaoke, we’d like to sing something other than “Mack the Knife”.
  • I just bit a Jamaican and now I’m high as a kite.
  • Having a bad fin day.