Reasons To Let Your Son Join The Boy Scouts

With the Boy Scouts in the news after President Trump’s speech at their Jamboree, it’s a good time for this list of The Top Reasons to Let Your Son Join the Boy Scouts.

  • He’ll know how to start a fire. You have a failing business. Hello, insurance fraud!
  • He’ll transform from a worthless little turd . . . to a worthless little turd in a kerchief.
  • The uniform basically guarantees he won’t get any girls pregnant until he’s well into his 20s.
  • It teaches him valuable life skills, like how to tie knots. And, uh, whittle. And . . . yeah.
  • Unlike SOME youth groups, the Boy Scouts aren’t required to exacerbate the diabetes epidemic by selling boxes of cookies.
  • When he wears his uniform to school, you won’t have to ask him why he’s getting bullied.
  • He’ll learn valuable conversation starters like, “Know the best place to defecate in the woods?”
  • Once he outgrows his uniform, you can sell it to Kevin Hart as a Halloween costume.
  • Chicks dig a sash full of badges.
  • You’ll be amazed at how many things can be made out of pinecones.
  • He’ll learn the value of honesty, like when he honestly says he wants to quit the Boy Scouts.
  • Because if you’ve got a hyper, rambunctious son, the best thing to do is to give him his own knife.
  • You never joined. And look how you turned out.