Truths I Learned About Love after Divorce

Truth: Opposites Attract . . . For a While. Usually.

 It is good to be different from your partner, and you don’t need to be his or her twin. But if the two of you are opposite in every way, in order to succeed in love, you at least need to share common values and goals.

For example: You are an introvert and he is an extrovert. She likes art and you prefer to play in the woods and mud. Is this a match made in hell? Of course not. This relationship will work if:

 They both share common goals in career and life.

They both approach the world with a similar viewpoint.

They both need a certain amount of interaction from the other — and it works for them.


Attraction Is Great, but It’s a Small Piece of the Pie

 Yes, please. Be attracted to the person you partner with, but realize that it is such a small piece of the pie. Remember that hormones and chemistry can power a world . . . for a while, but be sure that the person you choose to love has a heart as beautiful as the face you are consumed with. Anyone can “clean up” nicely, but not everyone is good to his or her core. Things are great today; awesome! Have you sat to think about what your future looks like with this person five, 10, 20, or 30 years down the line? Will the things that bother you today become bigger issues as your lives intertwine?


To Really Love, You Must Accept This Person Fully

 You know this already. But do you really? Do you really accept this person’s difficult family, anxiety, traveling career, desire to be kidless, etc.? Do you really and truly love the person in front of you despite this person’s limitations? Are you constantly hoping to change that person? Do you think this person is perfect, BUT . . . No, no, and no.

 Love means accepting the good, bad, and ugly and understanding that those “ugly” things are, most likely, going nowhere, but still, you love the person.


 If You Two Cannot Stand Alone, You Will Fall Apart Together

 It takes two solid people to make a relationship work. The two of you must be able to stand alone as two solid individuals before you can really succeed together.


Your Partner Will Accept You If He or She Really Loves You

 If your partner has made you his or her project, keep in mind No. 4. My spouse didn’t accept all of me, and I am sure I didn’t all of him. If your partner doesn’t accept you for all your nuances, please know this person doesn’t truly love you. Acceptance doesn’t mean “liking” the bad traits but accepting and loving you despite them.