Top Reasons To Become A Lifeguard

Summer is here and that means lifeguard jobs are available. Find out why it’s a good gig with The Top Reasons to Become a Lifeguard.

  • Look how well it panned out for The Hoff! Never mind.
  • Whenever you’re bored you can yell “SHARK!” and then watch fatties trip over themselves.
  • Sitting in that tall chair is practice for your dream job of being a tennis ref.
  • You can finally prove your lifelong theory that peeing on people is the best way to treat jellyfish stings . . . as well as splinters, coughs, fevers, and surly attitudes.
  • You’re Bill Cosby and it’s the only way any woman will let you give her mouth-to-mouth.
  • There’s just something liberating about being able to treat a kiddie pool as your personal toilet.
  • You get to spend all day sitting there in your ridiculous tan, barking orders at people. Sorry. That’s a reason to become president.
  • You’re not supposed to go in the water for 30 minutes after eating, which means your hour-long lunch break actually lasts 90 minutes.
  • Whenever you run, it’s in super sexy slow-motion while silhouetted by the sun.
  • your office is a “tower.” It’s like you’re a king.