Things You Don’t Want To Hear In Bed

The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear in Bed.

  • Don’t get the wrong idea, it’s just a CPAP mask.
  • Can you please put something on other than a rerun of “Two and a Half Men”? I don’t want to be reminded that I recently slept with Charlie Sheen.
  • I’ve never had a woman like you . . . ya know, not inflatable.
  • We’re outnumbered. Let’s just accept that they have the upper hand and do what the roaches say.
  • No, I’m NOT wearing a sweater-vest. That’s just the way my chest hair grows.
  • By the way, I’m going to be live tweeting this.
  • Damn, more bedbugs! I just sprayed this morning!
  • Not tonight, honey. I’m just not in the mood for someone who’s not the mailman.
  • You remind me so much of my mother!