Signs You’re At A Bad Amusement Park

Summer is here and that means lots of us will head to an amusement park. Hopefully, it’ll be one that’s fun and nothing like anything described on this list of The Top Signs You’re at a Bad Amusement Park.

  • Right as you’re entering the park, you see a guy reset the “Days without a fatal accident” counter to zero.
  • The scariest thing in the haunted house is the ghost of Megyn Kelly’s broadcasting career.
  • All the mascots smell like weed and day-old hot dogs.
  • You can see pieces of Donald Trump’s scalp in the cotton candy.
  • In addition to a red bow in her hair, Snow White is sporting a teardrop tattoo.
  • The only long lines in the place are the ones being snorted by ride operators.
  • You win stuffed animals by throwing stones at adulterers.
  • They refuse to recognize Dippin’ Dots as the ice cream of the future.
  • Your daughter gets a used hypodermic needle from the claw machine.
  • It’s a water park. In Flint, Michigan.
  • Kathy Griffin recently posted a picture of herself holding their mascot’s bloody head.
  • The dude who guesses your girlfriend’s weight does it by lifting her up in a giant bear hug.

  • It’s called “The Gropiest Place on Earth.”
  • One of the six flags is an ISIS banner.
  • One of the parts of the park is called “Closed for Renovation Land.”
  • It’s in downtown Aleppo.