Tom Cruise’s Excuses for The Mummy

“The Mummy” is on track to lose $95 million.


  • Didn’t realize somebody had already done it

  • Figured I could ride Brendan Fraser’s coattails to success

  • Totally overestimated the number of Egyptologists in the audience

  • Loud and dumb always worked before

  • All that Scientology crap totally screwed with my head

  • They cut the scene where I dance in my underwear

  • What do you expect? I’m like, 4 feet tall!

  • Didn’t know we’d be up against Baywatch

  • Took career advice from Johnny Depp

  • Oh, so suddenly “incoherent” is a bad thing

  • At least it’s better than “Rock of Ages” 

  • Two words: Russian hackers