It sees you at your most intimate, vulnerable, and unflattering moments. If it could respond to what it saw, would you like what you heard? Find out with this list of . . . The Top Things Your Bathroom Mirror Would Say If It Could Talk.
- That came out of your EAR?!?! Nice!
- Why the sneer? It’s not MY fault you’re ugly.
- I don’t think you’re supposed to stick a Q-tip there.
- Nice mustache. For a chick.
- Let me get this straight: you put these intricately patterned soaps on display next to the sink. But they’re not to be used?
- How would YOU feel getting splattered with toothpaste spittle?
- Rub your head with that junk as much as you want, chief. Your hair ain’t coming back.
- Yeah, there’s nothing sad about a 41-year-old woman with a belly ring.
- There’s nothing I love more than watching a “hemorrhoid check.”
- I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways.
- Yes, that DOES make you look fat.
- Don’t bother sucking it in, we’re the only ones in here.
- I got a cousin who’s a funhouse mirror . . . that might be a better fit for you.
- Don’t look at me like it’s MY fault, bro!
- Don’t worry, ladies LOVE a dude with copious ear hair, a thinning hairline, and a massive gut!
- Another giant tube of Vaseline? Well, I TOTALLY believe it’s for your dry skin.
- You do realize you’re not required to spend every waking second staring into me, right, Kanye?
- Um, I think you need to apologize for what you just did to the toilet.
- Listen, the more I’m fogged up, the less I have to see of your backne.
- You know, if you keep staring into me, you’re going to turn into a Kardashian.
- Is there a medical reason you won’t trim your nose hairs?
- Do you think the window ever notices me?
- You might want to spend less time on fixing your hair and more on plucking that unibrow.
- You’re out of toilet paper. And dignity.
- Wash your damn hands!
- Boy . . . I guess that shower was pretty cold, huh?