Things Your Bathroom Mirror Would Say If It Could Talk

It sees you at your most intimate, vulnerable, and unflattering moments. If it could respond to what it saw, would you like what you heard? Find out with this list of . . . The Top Things Your Bathroom Mirror Would Say If It Could Talk.

  • That came out of your EAR?!?! Nice!
  • Why the sneer? It’s not MY fault you’re ugly.
  • I don’t think you’re supposed to stick a Q-tip there.
  • Nice mustache. For a chick.
  • Let me get this straight: you put these intricately patterned soaps on display next to the sink. But they’re not to be used?
  • How would YOU feel getting splattered with toothpaste spittle?
  • Rub your head with that junk as much as you want, chief. Your hair ain’t coming back.
  • Yeah, there’s nothing sad about a 41-year-old woman with a belly ring.
  • There’s nothing I love more than watching a “hemorrhoid check.”
  • I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways.
  • Yes, that DOES make you look fat.
  • Don’t bother sucking it in, we’re the only ones in here.
  • I got a cousin who’s a funhouse mirror . . . that might be a better fit for you.
  • Don’t look at me like it’s MY fault, bro!
  • Don’t worry, ladies LOVE a dude with copious ear hair, a thinning hairline, and a massive gut!
  • Another giant tube of Vaseline? Well, I TOTALLY believe it’s for your dry skin.
  • You do realize you’re not required to spend every waking second staring into me, right, Kanye?
  • Um, I think you need to apologize for what you just did to the toilet.
  • Listen, the more I’m fogged up, the less I have to see of your backne.
  • You know, if you keep staring into me, you’re going to turn into a Kardashian.
  • Is there a medical reason you won’t trim your nose hairs?
  • Do you think the window ever notices me?
  • You might want to spend less time on fixing your hair and more on plucking that unibrow.
  • You’re out of toilet paper. And dignity.
  • Wash your damn hands!
  • Boy . . . I guess that shower was pretty cold, huh?