Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your Kids on Father’s Day

  • Just got the DNA results back and it’s not looking good

  • Father’s Day? For YOU? You’re kidding, right?

  • Sis and I are going to find a place where it’s legal for us to marry

  • Have another drink, Dad. That’s what you’re best at

  • I would totally have been there today if my parole officer let me

  • Sorry I’m late, I was busy celebrating with Mom’s new husband

  • Why do all the other kids’ fathers have jobs?

  • Daddy, I met a new boyfriend over the Internet!

  • Are you familiar with the Church of Scientology?

  • We got you a gym membership!