Reasons You Didn’t See “Baywatch” This Weekend

  • You don’t need to pay to see Zac Efron running shirtless in slow motion on the beach. Because you already see that every night in your dreams.
  • The only way you like to enjoy “The Rock” is with “The Pipe”.
  • Duh. No monosyllabic tree-man or talking raccoon!
  • You’re allergic to nipples.
  • You prefer enjoying as it was intended: an awful, awful TV show.
  • You lost your eyesight after you were body slammed by a Montana politician.