Surprising Facts About Wine

…In case you’re (responsibly) imbibing this holiday weekend…

  • Though it dates back to 325 A.D., it didn’t explode until women needed something to enjoy while listening to Adele.
  • The smell of wine is called “aroma.” The taste of wine is called, “Awesome. Especially at work.”
  • Wine may increase your risk of esophageal cancer. So be sure to clean your throat out with long, deep drags off a cigarette.
  • Drinking it boosts your cognitive ability. With the exception of Kathie Lee.
  • Not all wines improve with time. So, wine has something in common with Kris Jenner.
  • It probably had a lot to do with Johnny Depp signing up for “Mortdecai”.
  • There’s a right and a wrong way to hold a wine glass. So, to avoid embarrassment, just swig it right from the bottle.
  • A good wine cellar needs more than fake wood paneling and a foosball table.
  • The worst place in a house to store wine is in the kitchen. The best place is in the sex dungeon.
  • “Chardonnay” is French for “booze your mom will like.”
  • The redder the wine, the more it is attracted to white carpet.
  • Red wine goes with beef. White wine goes with fish. And wine coolers go with whatever you order at 2:00 A.M. at Taco Bell.
  • People who buy it in a box say it pairs best with possum.