Rejected Mother’s Day Cards

If you’re gonna get your mom a card for Mother’s Day, you’ll have a lot of choices. And for your mom’s sake, we hope it’s not one from this list of The Top Rejected Mother’s Day Cards.

  • Mom, I know I haven’t always been the best child . . . but you raised me, so it’s more or less your fault.
  • I’ve learned so much from you over the years, mostly about shotgunning beers.
  • It’s your day so you get a reprieve, from me asking why you had to make Dad leave.
  • Mom, my love for you is YUUUGE! Believe me!
  • When it comes to roses, you deserve a dozen. Hey, would it be cool if I slept with my cousin?
  • You were always there for me. And by “there”, I mean the strip club, shaking it so the heat wouldn’t get turned off.
  • I’ve always considered you a queen, because your mustache is thicker than Freddie Mercury’s.
  • I know raising me was hard, so please enjoy this lame ass card.
  • Mom, I remember how it made you happy when I did all my chores . . . and the exact opposite when you discovered Dad bought whores.
  • Mom, I think you’re great, I think you’re swell. And to prove it, we’re going to Taco Bell.
  • I no write this card good cuz you drink much when you pregnant.
  • Mom, thanks for all the great vacations we took together. Like the Disneyland trip, the Grand Canyon trip, and most of all, the guilt trips.
  • Mom I think you’re rad . . . but still wonder why you married my fat, loser dad.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue. I love you Mom, and your basement, too.