Top Questions On The Application To Be FBI Director

The Attorney General’s office is already interviewing candidates to replace Jim Comey as FBI Director. Surprisingly, they still have to fill out an application.

So check out The Top Questions on the Application to be FBI Director.

  • What was it like playing Chachi on two different TV shows?
  • Hillary . . . she’s a 3, tops, am I right?
  • Are you more of a Scully or a Mulder?
  • Which “menace” concerns you more: The red one or the orange one?
  • Do you promise to jail any idiot wearing a “Federal Booty Inspector” T-shirt?
  • Do you believe that tiny hands are a sign of patriotism and trustworthiness?
  • Are you as angry about the Civil War as Andrew Jackson?
  • Can you search Anthony Weiner’s laptop without puking?
  • Are you in it just to get a glimpse of J. Edgar Hoover’s dresses?
  • Can you save Vladimir Putin the trouble, by writing all your classified intelligence briefings directly in Russian?
  • Can you bring the same scintillating sexuality to the position as James Comey?
  • Can you keep it to yourself that we killed JFK?
  • How good are you at converting microwave ovens into spy cameras?
  • Are you super healthy? Because you’d better be since you’ll be covered by Trumpcare.
  • Are you willing to compete for the job as part of a four-month reality show?
  • Is your first name “Jared” and your last name “Kushner”? If so, congratulations!
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at looking the other way?