Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Doctor

National Doctor’s Day was this week. It’s a day to salute doctors and their great achievements. But not doctors who would utter anything from this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Doctor.

  • If you could pay your bill sooner than later, that would be great.
  • Can you look something up on WebMD for me?
  • Uh-oh. All out of gloves. Looks like I’ll be “bare fingerin'” today.
  • The good news is that you don’t have to worry about global warming or a second Trump term.
  • Instead of “Aaah,” could you say, “Oh yes, Daddy, that’s the way I like it”?
  • Luckily I can help your cough with this fresh batch of Sizzurp I just mixed.
  • Let me just get my stethoscope out of the freezer and we’ll get things started.
  • Feels like a Xanax day.
  • I’m against big pharma as much as you so let me see what I have for you in my glove compartment.
  • Well, they sure didn’t cover THIS in veterinary school!
  • Your breasts remind me of my grades in medical school . . . between a D and an F.
  • Your urine sample looks great. And tastes even better.
  • Remind me: where’s the heart?
  • You want a second opinion? You’re fat, too!