Reasons You’re Not Going To See “KONG: Skull Island”

“Kong: Skull Island” is getting pretty good reviews but you couldn’t care less with. Here are The Top Reasons You’re Not Going to See “Kong: Skull Island”.

  • It’s important to you to boycott any movie that refuses to cast James Van Der Beek.
  • Congressional Republicans say you have to choose between a movie ticket and healthcare.
  • Why watch Samuel L. Jackson fight a gorilla on an island when you’ve already seen him take down snakes on a plane?
  • You’re worried that the CIA has your theater bugged.
  • Brie Larson doesn’t go topless. And even worse, neither does John Goodman.
  • You work in the White House and you already deal with a shadowy, dangerous primate thanks to Steve Bannon.
  • You JUST got over the death of Harambe. 
  • King Kong’s behavior of roaring and pounding his chest is clearly ripped off from Sean Spicer.
  • If you wanted entertainment based on something 84 years old, you’d go to a Madonna concert.
  • You’re a Russian hacker, so you’ve already seen it.