Signs you’re at a Bad Department Store

  • Right next to women’s lingerie, they have . . . men’s lingerie.
  • The perfume people can never seem to squirt you directly in the eyes.
  • When you ask for a bathroom they say, “Just go in the Ivanka Trump section . . . nobody’s ever there.”
  • Trying to use an expired coupon is punishable by a punch to the face.
  • Every product comes with a picture of the Malaysian toddler who died on the assembly line while making it.
  • Every Christmas they’re in the news for a “Flashing Santa” incident.
  • The “tool” section is just a bunch of guys with long beards standing around vaping.
  • Their security guard isn’t a bumbling Kevin James
  • They replaced their crystal stemware line with red Solo Cups.
  • Their portrait department consists of a guy who just hands you a selfie stick.