Signs You’re at a Bad Super Bowl Party

If you’re going to a Super Bowl party, you expect it to rock.  But, it might suck.  Here are The Top Signs You’re at a Bad Super Bowl Party.

  • If you leave, even temporarily, you’re barred from coming back in without extreme vetting.

  • The house rule is you have to take a shot of grain alcohol every time Tom Brady looks sexy.

  • There’s a swear jar.

  • Chipotle did the catering . . . and there’s only one bathroom.

  • The food looks creepier than Joe Buck’s hair plugs.

  • Donald Trump spends the entire game pointing at the TV and asking, “Which one is Frederick Douglass?”

  • The Buffalo wings aren’t traffic-cone-orange enough.

  • No one’s interested in joining your Oscar pool.

  • The game is wide open.  And unfortunately, so are the sores on the hands of the guy dipping into the guacamole.

  • There are more cats in the house than people.

  • The seven-layer dip only has two layers.

  • Your hipster friends won’t shut up about how soccer is the REAL football.

  • People keep putting their face in the bowl of Cheetos so they can do a Trump impression.

  • Your liberal friends keep insisting that the Russians are hacking the scoreboard.

  • Everyone keeps arguing.  Not about the game, but about whether “La La Land” is overrated.

  • All the snacks are left over from Hillary’s planned victory party.

  • Not a single commercial for beer, cars, or car insurance has made anyone at the party cry.

  • The camera keeps cutting to Bill Belichick’s face and bumming everyone out.

  • All the food is gluten-free . . . and all the drinks are alcohol-free.

  •  During a Viagra commercial, a morbidly obese guest says, “Hey, that stuff really works!  Take a look!”

  • Two words:  vegan chili.