Signs You’re At A Bad Airport

  • You don’t have to have a ticket to get a body search.
  • The baggage claim is first come, first served.
  • The most popular item at the gift shop is counterfeit green cards.
  • The people movers are disabled, forcing you to actually WALK.
  • You share a gate with Air ISIS.
  • Its restrooms lack the delightful stench of a Pakistani slum.
  • Air traffic control is a guy on a stepladder yelling, “Land here!”
  • The souvenir shop sells naked photos from the X-Ray scanner at the security checkpoints.
  • The only magazine at the newsstand is “Alt Right Monthly”.
  • Refugees take one look around and head back to Syria.
  • The international terminal is just a guy with a windowless van who says he can smuggle you across the border.
  • You hear over the speaker, “The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of klansmen only.”
  • There are no seats at the bar because they’re all taken by Southwest pilots.
  • Its in Aleppo.