Things You Didn’t Know About Groundhog Day

Punxsutawney Phil makes his annual appearance today. And you know that if he sees his shadow and returns to his hole, we’ll have six more weeks of winter-like weather. But here are The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Groundhog Day.

  • Whether Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not, you’re an idiot for thinking it matters.
  • If you know how to spell “Punxsutawney,” you’re from Punxsutawney.
  • It opened the door for other adorable weather predictors. Like Al Roker.
  • This will be the first year Phil refuses to leave his hole because of who’s in the White House.
  • Everyone loves the groundhog crap in the morning, but nobody really talks about the virgin sacrifice that happens at sunset.
  • Phil’s real last name is Brownstein, but he dropped it when he got into showbiz.
  • People who think nothing interesting ever happens in Punxsutawney are . . . correct, even on February 2nd.
  • White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is taking notes from the groundhog on how to be more likable when making an announcement.
  • If the groundhog sees his shadow, it’s four more years of protest marches.
  • Punxsutawney Phil swore vengeance on Donald Trump after Trump killed his father and glued him to his forehead.
  • Punxsutawney Phil is the most famous American rodent this side of Ted Cruz.
  • The tradition started in Europe and was brought to America by Germans. Just like Steve Bannon’s political philosophy.
  • More people believe in Punxsutawney Phil than in climate change.
  • Punxsutawney Phil uses a Doppler Radar to makes his decision.
  • About 50% of Americans open their gifts on Groundhog Eve.