Ways Uber Can Improve Their Image

  • Make with the hover cars already!

  • Insist all drivers stuck in traffic perform La La Land-inspired dance on top of cars

  • Require all vehicles to be Transformers

  • Immediate hiring freeze on chatty Cathy’s

  • Russian hookers!

  • At the end of each ride, customer gets to keep the car

  • Require drivers to drive on sidewalk at customer’s request

  • Two words: Naked Fridays

  • Have drivers answer truthfully when passenger asks, “”What’s that smell?”