The Top Effects of the Rain in L.A.

Los Angeles is drying out after getting hit by powerful winter storms the last few days. As a result:

  • Nick Nolte actually looks like he bathed.
  • Johnny Depp pulled out the waterproof mascara.
  • For the first time ever, Charlie Sheen wore rubbers.
  • Bill Cosby’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is slippery from something other than women spitting on it.
  • The whole city smells like wet Kardashian.
  • The last time so much in the city was washed up was at a reunion of the cast of “The Breakfast Club”.
  • The noise from the storms made all the dogs freak out in their owners’ purses.
  • Movie execs are so exhausted from dealing with the traffic, they’ve decided to stop constantly coming up with SUPER-original ideas, and just do a remake.
  • Meg Ryan’s entire face slid off and went down a storm drain.
  • Scott Baio gets a lot more orders for soup from his customers at Applebee’s.
  • There are reports of Kevin Hart-size hail.
  • With people afraid to get on the road, Tito Jackson’s Uber earnings dropped by 60%.