Reasons Your Business Isn’t Taking Off

  • Your policy of “Smokin’ Hot Broads Eat Free” is somehow NOT attracting women.
  • There wasn’t as much demand for an all-Enya music streaming service as your research led you to believe.
  • For your initial market research, you used the same polling firms that predicted Hillary Clinton’s landslide victory.
  • Turns out there’s a lot more to cooking meth than “Breaking Bad” let on.
  • You blew your entire ad budget on a billboard inside the Cleveland Browns stadium.
  • Nobody wants “meat gum.”
  • You only take Un-American Express.
  • If you’re going to sell vintage, maybe you should’ve picked cars or clothes instead of Laserdiscs.
  • Regardless of how good the food is, it was tacky to name a hot dog stand “Anne’s Franks”.
  • Nobody wants to gets nipple piercings at a mall kiosk.
  • The most popular feature in your store is your public restroom.
  • You hold all your business lunches at Chipotle.
  • Your website was designed by the company that did the one for Obamacare.
  • You have a retail store selling only used Crocs.
  • You sell timeshares in Aleppo.
  • You took Entrepreneurship 101 at Trump University.