Obama’s To Do List


He only has two and a half days left in office.  How will he spend the time?  Here are The Top Things on Barack Obama’s To Do List.

  • Pardon O.J., just to mess with Trump voters.

  • Go on “WWE Raw” and say, “Can you smell what Barack is cookin’?” . . . just because he can.

  • Pardon himself for faking his birth certificate.

  • Leave rubber sheets on all the White House beds for Donald’s convenience.

  • Bench-press 300 pounds ten times.  Sorry, that’s on Michelle’s to do list.

  • Air out all the cigarette smoke from the Oval Office.

  • Remember once and for all that Malia’s the tall one, Sasha’s the short one.

  • Give the Congressional Medal of Honor to Meryl Streep just to piss off you-know-who.

  • Play golf.  Because hey, it’s been almost a full day.

  • Steal pens, Post-it Notes, and the extra key card to Area 51.

  • Double-check that he removed all those “Welcome Back, Hillary” signs he put up in October.

  • Block Joe Biden on Facebook.

  • Like everyone else in America:  panic, cross his fingers, and pray.