Signs You’re Not Going to Be Awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom

  • You’’ve publicly threatened to attack anyone who places a medal around your neck

  • Your biggest claim to fame is forcing hobos to fight

  • You’’re always making fun of President Obama’s mom jeans

  • You’’re Kim Jong-un

  • You stole Maya Angelou’s Medal of Freedom and tried to trade it for PCP

  • You’’ve gone on record as saying freedom is “overrated”

  • You assaulted the last guy that tried to give you a medal with a fungo bat

  • You’re selling counterfeit green cards out of a Chipotle men’s room

  • You once exposed yourself to the Statue of Liberty