Since some of you made joining a gym a New Year’s resolution, here are The Top Signs You Joined a Bad Gym.
The heavy bag says “Ow!” when you hit it.
The speed bag is a dead possum from the side of the road hung up by its tail.
The owner doesn’t allow you to wipe off the equipment until he’s had a chance to sniff it.
The spray tans only come in one color: Trump.
Everyone in the steam room plays “Who Has the Droopiest Scrotum?”
Instead of blasting “Eye of the Tiger” it plays “Anus of the Kangaroo”.
Richard Simmons lingers in the shower to help you lather.
When you ask if they have Zumba classes, they call you gay and threaten to have you deported by President Trump.
Despite your pleas, the kickboxing instructor won’t teach you how to land a perfectly-placed nad-shot.
You just came within 100 yards of the hot tub and now have syphilis.
Your trainer just makes you load slabs of bottled water into his car.
The entire gym consists of one broken treadmill, an old jump rope, and a smoking patio.
The only grunts and groans come from the people cleaning the bathroom stalls.
When you ask people to spot you, they point and say, “There you are! I see you!”
The treadmills have cup holders and ashtrays.