-
The bartender is Bill Cosby
-
Guests are expected to bring their own decorations
-
Three words: “catered by Chipotle”
-
Dick Clark’s corpse is propped up on the couch
-
The host answered the door in a party hat, a bow tie and no pants
-
Bernie Sanders keeps bringing the room down with speeches about income inequality
-
The party favors are nothing but bags of loose teeth
-
The only balls dropping are the host’s — into the punchbowl
-
It doesn’t start until 12:30