Signs You Don’t Deserve to Be Time Magazine’s Person of the Year

  • You were literally born yesterday

  • Your claim to fame is how many oysters you can eat in one sitting

  • You answer the phone by saying, “Yello!”

  • You criticize China while having your clothing line made there

  • You drink straight out of the milk carton, and then put it back in the fridge

  • You’re convinced that Joey Tribbiani is a real person

  • You used money from your charitable foundation to buy a life-sized portrait of yourself

  • You’re really more of a Newsweek guy