Things Your Cat Is Thinking

  • Pathetic humans! I need nothing from you. Except when it’s dinnertime. Or my litter box is full. Or when I get a tick. Or . . .
  • Do I lick myself or stretch?
  • The dog dies at midnight. Unless I’m taking a nap. Then we’ll re-calibrate in the morning.
  • You realize whatever you hang on the Christmas tree I’m going to destroy, right?
  • Even if President Trump blows up the world, I’ve still got eight more lives.
  • I bring you a perfectly good dead bird and you react like that?!?
  • Nice new leather sofa. I think I’ll destroy it.
  • Prepare to meet your maker, little red laser dot!
  • Why did Donald Trump just pop a Tic Tac and grab me? Oh, I get it.
  • I love you, ball of yarn!
  • No matter what you tell yourself, I’m no substitute for a boyfriend.