Things For Which You’re Thankful

  • That we probably won’t be hearing from Kanye West for at least the rest of the week.
  • That Shia LaBeouf’s name hasn’t come up once in discussions about the next “Indiana Jones” movie.
  • Department store mannequins that look and feel like real women.
  • That before their deaths, you got to truly appreciate the final years of Prince, David Bowie, and democracy.
  • Spam is cheap, readily available, and stacks neatly in your bomb shelter.
  • You’re a woman who was never alone with Donald Trump right after he popped a Tic Tac.
  • Your garage band is getting tons of free media because it’s also named “Dakota Pipeline.”