Things Mickey Mouse is Doing Today on His Birthday

Mickey Mouse turns 88 today.   Here are The Top Things Mickey Mouse is Doing Today on His Birthday.

  • Watching old “Hannah Montanas” and wondering where he went wrong with Miley Cyrus.

  • Wondering how the hell Pluto is still alive.  Isn’t he, like, 80 in PEOPLE years???

  • Hanging with his pals Grumpy, Sleepy and Dopey.  Or as we know them:  Rudy Giuliani, Ben Carson, and Sarah Palin.

  • Assuring Aladdin that he won’t be deported.

  • Now that Trump’s in office, dusting off “Song of the South” for a special edition Blu ray release!

  • Sending the Avengers out to pick up his Taco Bell . . . just because he can.

  • Avoiding gator-infested ponds at his theme park.

  • Calling Hillary’s agent about being the next “Star Wars” villain.

  • Trying in vain to listen to the theme music on the “It’s a Small World” ride WITHOUT being driven into a homicidal rage.

  • Getting testosterone shots in the hope his voice can finally be normal.

  • Trying to talk Goofy out of accepting a position as the new Secretary of State.

  • Getting the cheese out of his dentures.

  • Minnie . . . once the Viagra kicks in.

  • Having dinner at Denny’s . . . at 4:00 P.M.

  • He’s 88, so half of the day will be spent trying to pee.