Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble

A new survey says 21% of people would be open to a sexless marriage. We can add that to the list of The Top Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble.

  • For your anniversary, she got you a Samsung Galaxy.
  • The last time you had sex, people thought Donald Trump was JOKING about running for president.
  • When she cries at weddings, they’re not tears of joy.
  • The book she’s reading right now is, “Men Are From Mars, and Here’s How to Kill Them Without Leaving Traces of a Crime”.
  • You had to change your name to Ryan Gosling so she’d call it out during sex.
  • The only thing you two talk about at dinner is how much you’d like to see the other choke on a chicken bone and die.
  • During sex, your wife admits to having fantasies . . . about murdering you and stuffing your body in a wood chipper.
  • Your wife has been working late, even though the last time you checked, she doesn’t have a job.
  • The kids point to Bill and Hillary on TV and say, “Look, mommy, it’s you and daddy!”
  • Your wedding album is being used to level the dining room table.
  • You have plenty of sex . . . just not with each other
  • You went to a marriage counselor . . . just to see if she’d be open to a threesome.
  • No one recognized her on Halloween because she went as a happily married wife.
  • She now calls you “plaintiff.”