The Top Reasons To Remain An American

Some people are threatening to renounce their U.S. citizenship and move to another country because Trump won. That’s nonsense. Here are The Top Reasons to Remain an American.

  • You’ll get the new season of “Stranger Things” first!
  • Two words: Mc . . . Rib.
  • You still have the freedom to elect any idiot president.
  • Our country is about to be great again!
  • Other countries say, “Get IT done.” Which doesn’t have the same ring as “Git ‘ER done!”
  • You’ve got a front row seat to the end of the world.
  • Where else can you wear Crocs to restaurants?
  • There’s about to be a TON of construction jobs on the border.
  • You’re not going to find any Buffalo Hot Wings in Belgium.
  • If you ever want to feel infinitely better about your life, all you have to do is take a trip to Florida.
  • We’ll all get free Mandarin lessons when we eventually become a Chinese colony.
  • It’s just nice to live in a place where you’re never pressured to give a crap about soccer.
  • Duh! Everything else on earth revolves around us and always will. We’re tremendous! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

  • You certainly don’t want to be in one of the other countries that’ll soon accidentally get nuked.
  • Housing should be much more affordable after the riots and looting.
  • You know how Americans hate immigrants? So does every other country.
  • In any other country, you’d be considered “obese” rather than “normal.”
  • You get to enjoy watching the Cubs start another 108-year losing streak.
  • The State of the Union is about to become “bigly.”
  • If you’re a Democrat, it’d be kinda cool to be on the Endangered Species List.