Things We Learned From This Election

Now that the election is over, let’s take a minute to look back.

  • America’s ready to be great again.
  • If Hillary wanted to be president she should’ve never founded ISIS.
  • Donald Trump’s Walk-of-Fame star needs 24-hour security.
  • Rachel Maddow looks hot when she’s horrified.
  • Donald Trump’s right.¬† The polls were rigged.¬†
  • If a lady sees Donald Trump pop a Tic Tac, watch out!
  • Not paying taxes is brilliant.
  • Rosie O’Donnell needs to learn how to hit the ground whenever she hears a helicopter.
  • Hillary Clinton should just use a landline from now on.
  • Donald doesn’t have anyone on his staff brave enough to question his skin tone.
  • There’s nothing on earth more insufferable than someone who identifies as a “Bernie bro.”
  • Never say anything incriminating in an email. Or in front of Billy Bush.
  • As crazy as it sounds, Eastern European models are more effective at walking around looking hot than delivering inspiring political speeches.
  • If you’re a billionaire who has nothing in common with most Americans, you can still make yourself relatable simply by putting on a red hat.
  • A long time ago, there were these things called “facts” . . . but they don’t exist anymore.
  • Sexual assault is bad, but it’s not nearly as terrible as deleting emails.
  • Everyone on Facebook has at least one racist uncle, who insists on commenting on every one of your posts.
  • Alec Baldwin is funnier than Darrell Hammond.
  • Facebook proves that all of our friends from high school are now idiots.
  • Hillary Clinton can sustain a fake smile for over a year.
  • “Access Hollywood” has a bus.
  • Jill Stein’s candidacy started out as a joke . . . and also ended as one.
  • A lot of pollsters need to update their resumes.
  • Scott Baio can sway an election.