Things Americans Did With Their Extra Hour Yesterday

Daylight Saving Time ended yesterday.  Here are The Top Things Americans Did with Their Extra Hour Yesterday.

  • Tried to get Facebook attention by acting like turning the clock back one hour totally threw their life into chaos.
  • Prayed for Cubs fans to shut up and go away for another 108 years.
  • The Cleveland Indians spent the time learning the Heimlich Maneuver . . . so next time they can prevent choking.
  • Dreaded another hour of the election.
  • Got into three more political fights on Facebook.
  • Stocked up on provisions to survive the civil war that starts on Wednesday.
  • Prepared for doomsday on November 9th.
  • Silently longed for a time when they could still see their toes.
  • Stared at their naked body in the mirror and sobbed.
  • Color-coded their oxycontin.
  • Stole the last Peanut Butter cup from their kid’s trick-or-treat bag.
  • Gulped vodka and continued rigging the election for Donald Trump. Sorry. That’s what RUSSIANS did with their extra hour yesterday.
  • Duh. Porn.
  • Changed the smoke alarm batteries. Except for the one in the least favorite kid’s room.
  • Thought about going to the gym before taking a nap instead.