Things More Likely Than the Cubs Reaching the World Series

  • Donald Trump being elected President of Mexico

  • A meteorite striking the earth on a double bank shot off of Venus and Mercury

  • Kevin James finally snagging that elusive Oscar

  • Five words: On-Time Jet Blue Flight

  • Megan Fox cheerfully agreeing to attend the party in your pants

  • An actual star competing on Dancing with the Stars

  • Receiving a lovely “thank you” bouquet from your boss

  • Zoolander III