Signs You’re Losing the Presidential Debate

  • Your campaign manager is trying to fashion a noose out of his necktie

  • Your handlers are looking for a towel so they can throw it in

  •  The moderator asks, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

  • Your spokesperson tries to create a distraction by feigning a seizure

  • You just broke off a fingernail from clutching the podium

  • Your spouse is being escorted out for their own safety

  • You find yourself repeatedly using the phrase, “Look, I know that sounded bad.”

  • You see your departed grandmother motioning you toward the light

  • You try to break the tension by asking if you can buy a vowel