Reasons You’re Still An Undecided Voter

Election Day is only 19 days away. Here are The Top Reasons You’re Still an Undecided Voter.

  • For some odd reason, you’re not inspired by a buffoon or corrupt cyber-cheat.
  • You’re waiting until someone with stronger ethics than these two enters the race: Anthony Weiner.
  • You own a company that makes both pantsuits and bad toupees.
  • You haven’t yet determined which one of the two super-rich New Yorkers cares more about ordinary people like you.
  • You can’t decide which way you want the world to end.
  • The same reason you got those giant hoops in your earlobes: you like the attention. And you’re a giant loon.
  • The part of your brain that makes rational decisions disappeared after you got married.
  • You’re still researching their policies. Kidding. You’ve spent the past fifteen months baked and staring at your cat.
  • You’re still waiting for Clint Eastwood’s empty chair to launch a third-party campaign.
  • You were 100% behind Gary Johnson . . . until you heard him speak.
  • You can’t do anything, because you’re hopelessly trapped in a basket of deplorables.
  • Like every other woman in America, you’re busy filing sexual harassment charges against Donald Trump.
  • You’d like to vote for the first female president, but you’d also like to vote for the first Orange-American president.
  • You’ll decide when one of the candidates goes an entire day without lying.
  • You’re leaning towards Hillary, but you don’t want to see your fellow barista, Scott Baio, disappointed.