Things You Just Shouldn’t Do In A Restaurant

A 61-year-old woman in Pennsylvania was arrested for raising her skirt and flashing customers at an Applebee’s. With that lovely thought in mind, here are The Top Things You Just Shouldn’t Do in a Restaurant.

  • Call the waitress “Babe” when her nametag clearly says “Toots.”
  • Loudly act out porno scenes with the salt and pepper shakers.
  • Play Nickelback on the jukebox.
  • Grab your waitress by the crotch without asking . . . unless you’re at Mar-a-Lago, where they’re used to it.
  • Take your “therapy rat” out of the box and put him on the table.
  • Remind everyone the only way to get your food faster is to constantly scream at the waiter to hurry the hell up.
  • When the waiter isnt sure whether the salmon is wild or farmraised, ask if the restaurant has ever considered hiring any employees who AREN’T mouthbreathing morons.
  • Wonder aloud why terrorists think were a country of ridiculous excess while ordering a triple-bacon-barbecue-cheeseburger.
  • Ask the busboy what country he’ll be returning to after Trump gets elected.
  • While on a first date, discreetly ask the waiter which wine pairs best with roofies.
  • Pick your teeth . . . with your toenail.
  • Holler and high-five your buddies at the table each time your servers says the words “bone-in.”
  • Use the salad fork to scratch your taint. (That’s why they provide toothpicks)