Reasons You Should Attend Your High School Reunion

October is National Class Reunion Month. Here are The Top Reasons You Should Attend Your High School Reunion.

  • You’re married with kids, so you finally have PROOF you’re not a virgin anymore.
  • That scary cafeteria lady who used to give you nightmares has been dead for years.
  • All the people you’ve been wanting to kill for the past 20 years will be crowded together in one dark room.
  • You might see your old Algebra teacher and have sex with her. Again.
  • Don’t you want to see who’s gotten fat, wrinkled, and dead-eyed . . . other than yourself?
  • You can make that girl who turned you down for a date feel awful when you pull up in a Lamborghini. That you rented. For an hour.
  • Where else are you going to have RIVETING discussions about CrossFit with people you’re only friends with on Facebook?
  • It feels good to show off how much weight you’ve lost . . . since your classmates had only ever seen you pregnant.
  • The teacher you used to make out with finally got released from prison.
  • You heard the person voted “Most Likely to Succeed” could be your Uber driver to the reunion.
  • Now that all your old crushes have become bitter single mothers, you finally have a shot with them.
  • You recently found yourself feeling nostalgic for those four years of pain and anxiety.
  • After watching the Donald Trump campaign, your old high school bully doesn’t seem so bad.
  • It will remind you of a time when you still had hope.