Reasons You Won’t Watch Tonight’s Presidential Debate

Tonight’s presidential debate could have 100 million viewers. But YOU won’t be one of them. Here are The Top Reasons You Won’t Watch Tonight’s Presidential Debate.

  • Monday Night Football, or Monday Night Goofballs? The choice is clear.
  • If you want weirdly-colored people screaming at each other, you can watch “Monday Night Raw”.
  • Seeing those tiny hands on Trump’s bloated body makes you think you’re having an acid flashback.
  • Hillary’s laugh gives you nightmares.
  • Like all Democrats, you’ll be busy telling the rest of the country what to think.
  • You prefer to wait for an unbiased recap on Fox News.
  • You’re Brad Pitt and you’re still filling out joint custody paperwork for 187 children.
  • It’s going to be explosive. And you already own a Samsung.
  • If you want to watch two people that age bicker you’ll go to a bingo hall.
  • You prefer a more educated way of selecting a candidate: Ouija board.
  • The only debate you’ve ever cared about was 1984’s monumental contest between “tastes great” and “less filling.”
  • You’re smart enough to know the outcome of this election has already been predetermined by the Illuminati.
  • It reminds you too much of the tagline from ″Alien Vs. Predator″ . . . “Whoever Wins, We Lose.”
  • You’re a Millennial and neither of these candidates are promising to give you free stuff for doing nothing.
  • You’ll wait for after the debate when Trump tweets about how he won “bigly.”