Reasons You Didn’t Watch The Emmy Awards

“The 68th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards” aired last night on ABC. You couldn’t care less? Here are The Top Reasons You Didn’t Watch “The Emmy Awards”.

  • You’re President Obama and you’re too busy celebrating that your fake birth certificate finally fooled Donald Trump.
  • You’re Hillary Clinton and you’re too busy practicing how not to collapse.
  • Two words: Foot. Ball. Or is that one word?
  • You’re a Millennial and you don’t know what television is.
  • You’ve actually won one and realize it doesn’t mean a damn thing.
  • Just watching Jimmy Kimmel and his half-closed eyes puts you to sleep.
  • As a Trump supporter, you prefer the Oscars, where everybody’s white.
  • You had to sell your TV to buy an EpiPen.
  • You refuse to accept that Abe Vigoda is gone, and seeing him in the “In Memoriam” segment would FORCE you to do so.
  • You already watch “Game of Thrones”, you don’t need to also watch “The Game of Thrones Appreciation Show”.
  • You refuse to turn on your TV until there’s no more threat of seeing Trump or Hillary campaigning.
  • You own a Samsung Galaxy and they didn’t have it on the TV in your room in the hospital burn unit.
  • Ryan Lochte told you it was on MONDAY night.
  • You have a life.