Reasons You Need To Get A New Bank

Wells Fargo Bank has to pay $190 million in fines for defrauding customers. Here are The Top Reasons You Need to Get a New Bank.

  • All the tellers were hired from Trump University.
  • The only athletes you can get on your checks are Colin Kaepernick or Ryan Lochte.
  • It offers free checking.  But checkbooks are $8,000.
  • The teller nods at her tip cup and says, “Don’t be chintzy.  I know you got money.”
  • The only monthly statement it gives you is “Bite me.”
  • Every time you try to deposit money, it somehow gets diverted to the Clinton Foundation
  • It now charges you a fee to pay a fee for thinking about a fee when paying a fee for using another bank’s ATM.
  • Whenever you call, you can press one for new accounts, two for general questions, or three for the hottest phone sex of your life.
  • Anyone who requests a copy of their statement is immediately waterboarded.
  • The online banking security question is “What’s your most painful memory from childhood?”
  • It suspiciously looks like a Wells Fargo, even though the sign now says “Fells Wargo.”
  • They advertise low interest loans, but when you get there, they have zero interest in helping you get one.
  • Their slogan? We Put the Douche in “Fiduciary.”