Reasons You Aren’t Into The NFL

The NFL season kicked off this week with the Super Bowl rematch between the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers. And this Sunday, there’s a full slate of games. If that bores the hell out of you, here are The Top Reasons You Aren’t Into the NFL.

  • You only like sports where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy.
  • The yelling, macho posturing, and mistreatment of women reminds you too much of Fox News.
  • You prefer soccer . . . because you hate America.
  • You prefer the UFC, where you get a BONUS for giving someone a concussion.
  • Those guys have never cheered you on at YOUR job. If you had one.
  • You’re still furious that Brett Favre never texted you that “junk” photo he promised.
  • You hate yourself and feel you deserve to be punished, so the only thing you watch is “2 Broke Girls”.
  • You’re a baseball fan, so the game has way, WAY too much action.
  • You get enough of overpaid people aggressively inflicting harm from your bosses at work.
  • You’re some kinda weirdo who actually likes spending time with your wife.
  • You’re a Cleveland Browns fan, so you’ve never seen professional football.