Overheard at the VMAs

  • Prince better have a damn good reason for not showing up

  • What’s taking Kevin Federline so long to pull my car around?

  •  Why is the award a statuette of a guy in a hazmat suit?

  •  Who are you barely wearing?

  • Does anyone have a “Kanye to coherent thoughts” translator?

  •  Wow, Britney Spears! My mom told me who she was!

  • What’s a music video?

  • Sorry, Rihanna . . . I didn’t recognize you with clothes on.

  •  Oh, great. Ryan Lochte just trashed the restrooms

  • When Nicki Minaj gets up, we’re gonna need TWO seat-fillers.

  • What am I supposed to do with this piece of crap?