Ryan Lochte’s To Do List

Ryan Lochte is losing sponsorships left and right and he’s become a national punchline following his embarrassing behavior in Rio. How will he ever recover from this mess?

Here are The Top Things on Ryan Lochte’s To Do List.

  • Sign a new endorsement deal . . . with Ashley Madison.
  • Collaborate with Brian Williams on a kick-ass book of fiction.
  • Call Trump and Clinton and ask if they need any help telling lies.
  • Start a club with Lance Armstrong and Tonya Harding.
  • Trade dye tips with Costas.
  • Sign sponsorship deal with Summer’s Eve or Massengill.
  • Take solace in the fact the world only gives a crap about swimmers once every four years.
  • Make the world a better place by stapling mouth shut.
  • Resume rightful place in Michael Phelps’ shadow.