Rejected Slogans for the Pizza ATM

Students at Ohio’s Xavier University are in for one tasty, cheesy treat when they return to campus this fall: their school is the proud owner of the nation’s first official “Pizza ATM.” The vending machine will serve up hot pies 24 hours a day, seven days a week at just the touch of a button. At $9 a pop for a full 12-inch pizza, you can choose your toppings on the touchscreen, hit a button, and within three minutes receive a fresh-baked pizza in a box, dispensed via a special pizza slot.  But how to market this new device? They’re still working on a slogan, but we went thru their trash to see what they’ve rejected so far…

  • “Don’t act like you’re better than this”
  •  “Have you seen the mouth breathers making pies down at Domino’s?”
  •  “Because you’’re high enough to think this is normal”
  •  “Perfect for the man with crippling social anxiety on the go”
  •  “A delicious first step towards being enslaved by robot overlords”
  •  “Because the money you take out of actual ATMs is just going to go towards pizza anyway”
  •  “No matter how rude you are, it won’t spit on your food”
  •  “If it’s not here in 30 minutes, the machine is obviously broken”
  •  “Exposure to bacteria helps boost your immune system”
  •  “You asked for it…. OK, you were drunk, but still…”